Is it me? Did I buy the wrong map? I’m looking at the cover now. It says ‘Success. Scenic and interstate throughways with a driver’s guide to vacation spots, parks and rest areas’. Hold on, I’m going to check the publication date…over here on the back…nope, 2010 publication date. That’s got to be current enough. Let’s reassess my position on the map. I’m in Wyalusing, Pa. That’s G34. G34…okay there’s G; there’s 34. Yep! I’m on the map! Now let’s just take a look and see if there’s any way out of here to the city of Success that isn’t a pain in the neck. Here’s a route from my town to Success that will take me through Meaningful Relationship and the town of Fitness, but see no, that part of the road to Meaningful Relationship is practically a sheer-faced wall. What if I were to go from here, through Fitness and take this back road to Self Awareness?…no, that looks like it’s closed down due to an overflow from Drinking Springs. I guess if I want to get to Success, I’m going to have to take the long route that runs me past Night School, travels south to Patience, Pa. and then wraps its way up the long, icy, mountainous range of Repeated Failure. I’m just so not in the mood for a trip up to Repeated Failure. You ever see the potholes on that road? Makes you wonder where your tax dollars go, I’ll tell you that.
Of course the other problem with a journey to Success is the cost of gas to get there. It seems like the needle is always on E and every time you pull over for a refuel, its a couple more cents a gallon and a dirty bathroom.
I’m trying to think of the last time I made it out of here and got over to Success. I want to say it was way-more than a year ago. I wanted to stay, but you know, it’s expensive as hell to stay there and that’s if you can find a room at all. But the first thing I always do when I get to Success is take a stroll down that bustling boulevard they got. I love the old-timey feel of it: the original gas lamps, the stately Victorian homes. Who are these people that live in these homes?! And have you ever been there for Christmas? I think its so cute how all the streets are decked with real pine garlands and all white lights. Seems like every front yard has a perfect snowman with a carrot for a nose and real coal eyes. A top hat! A scarf blowing in the expectant, December air. There’s also a diner I like to go to that’s frequented by a bunch of writers and artists and a couple of the town’s big shots. Everybody knows everybody they should know in the town of Success and whenever I get there, I imagine what it would be like to live there full-time and mingle with these almost-celebrities. At the diner…you can Google it…it’s called the Blue Bird Diner. I know that seems cloying, but it’s actually quite unassuming. That is till you get inside and you immediately know that you’re in a diner in a town called Success. It has the right guests, it has the right wait staff (I mean they’re waiters and waitresses for god sakes, and even they just belong, you know? How do they always get their hair to fall just so in front of their eyes? Oh to be one of them, leaning on the breakfast counter and remarking on each other’s tattoos). It even has the right menu. Everything has a cilantro this in it or a lime-chipotle that. You won’t see your plate garnished with a slice of orange and sprig of parsley here. Each plate comes dressed with an enormous, fresh, California strawberry carved into the shape of a swimming swan. Order the coffee, and honestly, you wish you never had to leave.
Anyway, it’s bright today, so, map in hand, I’m going to load up the truck and see if I can’t get myself over there again. I’m going to take the dog, a big bottle of water, a sandwich and my camera. And if I get there, I’m going to spend the night…you know if their hotel isn’t sold out…and I’m going to buy a paper and see if there’s anything in the classifieds about an apartment to rent. Doesn’t have to be anything fancy, but you know if it turns out its a room in one of those Victorians on the boulevard…oh my god, that would be so great!
I haven’t any idea how I’ll support myself once I’m there. You know that’s the thing about Success…it’s not the most affordable place to retire to. I guess what I’m hoping is that just interacting with those folks for a day or two, just walking down those streets, that I’ll capture enough of the essence of the joint to tide me over past my inevitable return to solitary and ordinary, Wyalusing. Of course, I don’t think anything would be better than living there full time, but for the present, I’m going to try to get there today and just see what happens.
